Calling off the stabby rampage

The wonderful, wonderful secretary of the CMS managed to get through to SSHRC and explain the situation, and they will not penalise me.

I have to find some way to thank her for everything she's done for me.

I ATE'NT DEAD

Really.

The past little while has been extremely busy and extremely confusing and worrisome, and I haven't felt like posting. Limbo-posting always feels like a bad idea.

Fortunately, I think I've got things sorted out. Good things are happening, good books are being read, good people are being met, and good conferences are being attended.

I promise I will update soon.

De amicitia

One of the papers at the York-Norwich conference was on Friendship. Now, that person would have to be the one to tell you all the theory and texts behind it, but I just need to say that a friend is someone who will go dig through their academic library to find you some obscure article or resource you don't yourself have. And then will take pictures of it or scan it, and send it to you.

There's lots of other ways to define friendship, all totally valid. But once someone has done that for you, there's no denying.

A friend also encourages you when you're down, helps you clarify your thoughts, critiques drafts, suggests books, and tells you not to give up.

I have fabulous friends. Thanks, guys.

Dear You (pl.)

Please, please let me do my thing. I'm finding stuff that really excites me, and it's exactly what I'd hoped for. I feel like I've been give a jigsaw puzzle without a picture on the box. When all the pieces got dumped out, some were face down. I'm starting to get some turned face up, so I can at least start looking for pieces to go together! Don't make me read any more tales, I'll get to them if they're relevant, I promise.

Just let me keep turning pieces over.

My background in religion is merging with my time working with Excellent David and his insights, and even that horrible philosophy class from last year. My codicology and my social history classes have added to me. And my palaeography time with Excellent David leaves me able to puzzle out a good portion of script. I'm so ready to just jump in, please let me.

Sincerely (really!),

Your supervisee

A little bit of peace

I had some country-music-inspired sobbing episodes on Thursday. More sobbing tonight. Uprooting is hard.

I'm really glad for my dad. He was wonderful and hugged me while I cried and then helped me pick a fighting style to get involved with at York. I'm going to learn ju jitsu! And we talked for a while, and I managed to find him on MSN at last. Knowing that the lines of communication and contact are that much stronger did a lot to stabilise me.

We just talked for a while, and made a date for just the two of us. I'm going to miss him.

He also encouraged me that this is not the end of the world, and if it doesn't work out, that's not the end of the world either. I promised him I'd set some concrete goals for my first month at York, to give me focus and to strive for. I arrive in York on Jan 21st, and Feb 21st is a memorable date for personal reasons, so One Month it is.

Ten One-Month Goals: (in no particular order)
1. Establish my kitchen. Find the staples, spices, and equipment that I will need in order to successfully feed myself.
2. Join the ju jitsu club.
3. Find a church.
4. Bike around campus and learn where the important buildings (admin, library, international students office, shops) are.
5. Have tea with at least two classmates or housemates.
6. Meet with my advisors and figure out my schedule (including Latin class).
7. Acquire a cheap Region 2 DVD player and Season 1 of F/X: the Series. Watch it.
8. Chase some ducks.
9. Make my room feel like home.
10. Spend at least one morning walking around the downtown.

The last time I post from work!

Last shift! Woo! I'm so very ready for a break.

It feels very fitting to be ending now, with the new year. I spent New Year's Eve at Daybreak, and it was a wonderful way to celebrate the passage of time. Despite all the unfamiliar faces, it still felt like home. The Taizé service was much too short, and had me in tears by the end, wishing that I was still a member of the community.

I've discovered in the years since I left that many people in disability services have never heard of l'Arche, and that is a darn big crying shame. Although perhaps it is to my advantage, as someone else might have been inspired to investigate my research area before now. It was telling, to me, that when I explained my ideas, people there actually listened. There was none of the usual "They were persecuted as witches right? They thought they were demon-possessed! Didn't they kill them at birth?" reaction that I have gotten over and over at Oaklands. It was quite remarkable, and very refreshing! Because of the mindset l'Arche encourages, people there didn't immediately assume folks with mental impairments were always treated and regarded poorly. I do wish more people were aware of l'Arche, and its wonderful mission.

The service felt time-out-of-time. Kairos. I can't explain it, but if you ever find yourself in Toronto on a Friday night, and are looking for a more meaningful experience than the bars downtown, I highly recommend visiting.

Moving on to a more mundane topic, I have begun making lists in earnest. Lists for things I need to do to be able to leave. Things I need to pack. Paperwork I need to copy and account for. People I want to visit again before I go. Things I need to arrange for arriving and ensuring residence. Medical appointments I need to book before leaving. Things I need to do once I am housed, in order to settle. Dominoes and more dominoes. I think this morning I will make my medical calls (dentist, optometrist (Jan 09), chiropodist, family doctor [medical records copy, immunisations and prescriptions], TB x-ray). Huzzah* for being insured again! Then, after I have slept, I will get some photocopying done (all school paperwork/letters, all ID and money-related cards, degrees, visa forms). I think that's enough for one day!

Later this week, I will be in Toronto for visa stuffs (you have to get fingerprinted) and visiting. Go me!



* Did you know that Firefox's spellcheck rejects "hurray," but not "huzzah"?

Student Living and Student Life

Sent the housing application off today via regular post. It has carbon copies and suchlike, so I couldn't fax it.

I've applied to two houses near King's Manor (the building which houses the Centre for Medieval Studies), one a bit further away, and a couple on campus, ranked largely according to their proximity to my building. Here's hoping, though I'm worried because I'm arriving in January and will probably get the dregs.

I've found some interesting links over at the York website, namely the Clubs and Societies website. The Medieval Reinactment society looks fun, as does the Astronomy Club, the Real Ale Society, and the Science Fiction and Fantasy group. I'm a little disappointed at not seeing a Catholic society listed, but I imagine I'll find one around when I get there. Ah! There it is!

Oh, and Worship services. I'll feel much more at home if I can find a church I'm comfortable at.

I'm also a little disappointed to see that the university gym doesn't have a pool. However, they do have a good number of martial arts groups, including aikido, capoeira, fencing, jujitsu, and karate. The list of sporting clubs also includes Ben Lairig, which seems to be an organised "ramble through the countryside" group. Further digging reveals a swimming and waterpolo group. Sweet! There's also caving and canoeing and "octopush."

I'll have to see how my class load is, but I think I'm going to try to get involved in at least one social activity and one sporting activity. Perhaps I'm finally going to be geographically stable enough to take up a martial art! I know I'm going to be lonely, so I'm going to take active steps to not be a hermit! Plus, I'd love to get back into swimming. Or take up a martial art.

I'm feeling the positive, for once, not the SCARY LONELY FEAR. It's a nice feeling.

Whack-a-Mole

Two people have pointed out to me that SSHRC's investigation of my application means that at least they haven't dismissed it out of hand.

WHACK! Down, hopes, down!

Post-Lecture Debriefing!

Yesterday went well.

Pre-Lecture
I was up till about 3am on Wednesday working on the paper before I said "nuts to this!" and went to sleep. I woke up at about 10:00 Thursday morning, and a very fast shower was followed by 2.5 hours of frantic paper-finishing. I was having some trouble with the Latin of a key passage, and since my argument depended heavily on the translation of both individual words and the semantic sense of the whole sentence, I needed to get it just right. Eventually I gave up on the worst of it in the interests of time, and went to get myself ready.

When you're pretty nervous, looking professional is a big deal - you feel more professional. So I did what I could, with the makeup I so rarely wear, and the hair I bother to straighten even more rarely than I wear makeup. I put on my "grad student" clothes, far different from my current work clothes. I looked like the lecturers I used to go see.

Anyway, when I got to campus, Excellent David helped me sort out the tricky Latin. Fie on you, idioms that look like plural accusatives! Fie! Fortunately, the sense was exactly what I was hoping it was, so I could scribble it into the talk more or less seamlessly.

The Lecture
The lecture itself went better than I had hoped. I had the whole thing on paper, but I wasn't afraid to deviate. 4-5pm was the time allotted, including questions, and I spoke for roughly 50 minutes. Perfect.

I made some truly last-minute substitutions of examples in my introduction, but the end result was far better, for more relevant, and far more personal. I hope I managed to do honour to someone who is very worthy of it.

Reports afterwards were that I was shaky at the beginning, but managed to find my stride fairly early on. I certainly felt the stage-fright at the beginning and my throat was seizing up. I had to dig out the bottle of Pepsi I'd brought with me, but I was too nervous to open it. In the end, I just kind of rested my hand on it/held it, and that seemed to steady me. Weird, but it worked. I'll have to make sure I have a bottle of something on hand next time.

Or maybe I'll just have a beer right before.

Anyway. It was nice to have my little cheering section there - thanks, guys, even if you were the most disruptive members of the audience! You just can't get good roadies these days. There were at least five "strangers" in the crowd: not bad, given the disgusting weather and the obscurity of the topic. Two of them took notes, as if I was some sort of authority worth paying attention to! (I better not let that get to my head...)

Question period was good, even if there was only two questions. It was very bizarre, being asked for further reading and having to answer "There is none. You've heard everything that exists today."

I found as I was writing the sections which drew on medieval texts the most interesting (naturally). But I am very excited that I have begun drawing conclusions based on primary sources. Beginning to theorise a construct of medieval mental impairment. I am so stoked to see Dr. Turner's book when it comes out. I can't wait to see if she's been thinking along the same lines as me. But I digress.

Post-Lecture
After the lecture came the gorging. It's departmental tradition to take guest lecturers out for dinner afterwards, so off we trooped to find much food and alcohol! I was quite hungry, having been too nervous to eat prior to the talk. We found both much food and much alcohol. And much laughter. I enjoyed spending the time with the people who have spent so much time and effort getting me to the point I am at now. Good friends.

Many Many Thank-Yous!
Thank you to Excellent David, who may never see this but was the mastermind behind the whole shebang, and who helped me with last-minute Latin.
Thank you to Margaret, for her comments on the introduction, which were very helpful.
Thank you, Brent, for driving on the way up so I could practice, and on the way back so I could drink at dinner.
Thank you Ramona, for being so encouraging and for being my sounding board. Having someone who understands where I'm coming from when I approach the topic means more than anyone but you could ever know.
Thank you Joni for the laughter and the encouragement, and for all the Latin together.

Now I just have to make all the edits that came in during the actual talk to the paper version, since I've already had two requests for a copy, and I also I hate leaving things half-finished.

Lecture Notes

I sat down this evening and did a test-run of what I've written so far of my lecture. It clocked in at just under 20 minutes, which means I need a minimum of 2,000 more words, and preferably closer to 3,000. Still, that is feasible.

I need to work on enunciating and on speaking slowly. I also have to practice several more times, because I keep tripping over my own words. Also, there is my ambition not to be one of those lecturers who mumble unintelligibly, nor who talk too fast to hear, nor even who read very well but only read. I want to engage, I want to entertain. And I want to impress the socks off the professors and staff who I hope will one day be looking at my CV for a tenure-track job. I've got long-term plans, my friends, and this is where they start!

And now, for those who live far, far from south-western Ontario, here's the introduction of my talk. Criticism and requests for clarity are encouraged and appreciated!

Medieval Studies is, as any medievalist knows, a highly interdisciplinary field. The disability studies field is likewise interdisciplinary. It is quite surprising, then, that the two fields have not often intersected. In the past, medievalists have ignored the history of disability, leaving it to doctors and medical historians. Disability Studies is a relatively new field, and has focused almost exclusively on the modern period. It is only in this century that dialogue between the disciplines has begun to bear fruit.

My research has led me to stumble upon this strange intersection, which is what I am here today to talk about. The methodologies of both disciplines will be discussed in turn. It is impossible to explain the topic, or even the necessity of the scholarship, without doing so. Both disability scholars and medievalists have dismissed each other’s methodology, and this strange circumstance has concealed the very lack of scholarship. Nevertheless, the field of medieval disability studies is beginning to gain momentum and notice, and is developing a methodology unique to itself. It is in this setting that the questions I pose find themselves.

The field of disability studies is a relatively recent one, developing and gaining prominence only since the 1980s. Before then, impairment was considered a topic only suitable for medical discourse. Disability was considered almost irrelevant to historical study, as it was something that had always been a fact of life. In taking such a position, these medical scholars assumed that the implications of impairment – its social and cultural aspects – were universal and absolute. In the 1980s, following the dramatic paradigm shift that feminist studies had forced upon the historical and sociological fields, scholars and activists began to consider whether the place of disabled persons had not been similarly ignored.

Out of this grew the field of Disability Studies, and the core of all further scholarship concerning impairment. Disability, scholars say, is anything but absolute. A distinction is drawn between the physiological fact of, for example, a missing leg, and the dis-abling situation of wheelchair-inaccessible buildings. The word “impairment” is taken to mean the physiological fact, and “disability” has come to mean the social and cultural circumstances which separate an impaired person from normal activity, the “generic term used to denote the social disadvantage experienced by people with an accredited impairment.” The old medical model, which drew no such distinction, inevitably applied modern assumptions to times and cultures which may not have shared them. The clarification of this critical concept allows scholars to approach the history of disability in an entirely new way. As Irina Metzler explains, the old model “is not appropriate to an investigation of disability in historic terms, in that past societies ... have had impairment but may not have had ‘disability’. If the medical model is used, then it is at the risk of contaminating the evidence with modern cultural assumptions” (9).

Concilium dismissum est.

Convocation today! I am now a Master of Arts. Master Alison.

This ceremony was shorter than the last one, and in far nicer digs. Convocation Hall is tiny, but it's a lot posher than UW's dressed-up gymnasium. I got hooded and I got my degree, and had many pictures of both. I'm quite pleased.

Next time, I get colourful robes and a funny hat, and I get to keep them!

"To Dos" - Done!

• call OSAP re: Canada Study Grant for Females Pursuing Doctoral Studies (807-343-7260)
  
• email York about expense breakdown estimate form
  
• post expense breakdown form
  
• set up line of credit
  
• pick up SSHRC references
  
• brush up and finalise SSHRC plan of study, including bibliography

I called OSAP today about the grant, but the office was closed for Remembrance Day. Still, I called, and that in itself is motivating. I'll call back tomorrow morning.

I emailed York again about the OSAP expense form, just to remind them that it's coming, and to pleaseplease send it back quickly.

The line of credit is all set, complete with parental (guarantor) paperwork. Now I just need a letter saying I have it.

I am getting the last piece of SSHRC paperwork tomorrow from Excellent David, and I will post it express in the afternoon. He emailed me some suggestions for my plan of study, which I will integrate in tonight for my final draft. I met Scary David today to pick up my reference, and he made a point of telling me that he thought my plan of study was excellent. He said I sounded competent and my plan is specific and well-thought-out. Which for me is pretty frickin' amazing, given how intimidated I am by the man. So I'm happy, and even if I don't win (always likely), I know that at least I gave it a very good try.

Oh, and he also gave me the details for my first publication credit (submitted under his auspices), so I can include that for SSHRC. I'm also including the lecture next week. Yay!

The furnace of doubt

I'm restarting this long-dormant blogger account as a place to recount the terrors and joys of being a grad student.

I am a recently-admitted doctoral candidate at the University of York in England. I'm also a Canadian born and bred, so this blog is not just about grad school, it is about the long-term process of living abroad.

I leave in January, and I'm already getting homesick. I expect it to get worse, but also to get better as I adjust and as it becomes more real. The anticipatory homesickness is making things rough right now. I imagine I will get very distracted when the paperwork starts pouring in and the wheels start turning.

So here things are. You can look forward to humorous stories of linguistic variation, travel tips, government screw-ups, research zaniness, and much, much more!